Based on things I've experienced, seen, and heard from people, here is a list of things you (yes you) can do to support teachers during COVID. 

1. Allow space. Give teachers space to grieve, be upset, be anxious, AND be creative. We need space for it all, as we are doing it and experiencing it all. 
2. Don't make teachers the automatic enemy. Please understand that most of us don't have much choice with what we are doing now. For some things, we literally have been told what we can and cannot do and what we can and cannot say. For other things, we've been given a general directive, but have so little room for movement or time to complete things, there is no practical choice. We are doing the best we can with what we have been given or commanded. 
3. Help us understand your digital needs. I cannot necessarily help you get devices, but I can direct you where to go. I cannot force your child to sit in front of a computer or complete work from the school, but if you tell me what your child is struggling with, I can do my best to help. I can talk to your student, provide compelling materials, and provide accommodations.
4. Protect us and protect your students. At this point, we know just enough about COVID to know that we MUST take protective measures. Please, if you insist on sending your students physically to school, make sure they come to school with: two masks (in case one breaks, gets lost, gets dirty, etc), hand sanitiser, tissues, wipes (antibacterial if possible), plenty of water, snacks, a device and/or supplies for class. While I have hand sanitiser in my classroom, extra masks, supplies, and outlets for devices... They are not in infinite supply. The hand sanitiser provided by the school will run out. The masks (provided by me) will run out. I have supplies, but each time they are used, they must be cleaned (while I also clean the room, supervise the hallways, prepare for the next class in person and digitally, and go to the bathroom if needed). I have a limited number of outlets. NONE of the water fountains are open and I do not have extra water. The cafeteria is only open at certain times and I want your students fed. If you have trouble providing these, let me know and I will do the best I can to help. 
5. Cut us, and your students a break/give us the benefit of the doubt. We are less than a full month in and already I spend a good deal of time answering questions about grades, sometimes within an hour of posting them. I get it. Grades are important and in this current atmosphere the universities and testing orgs are telling us so little about what, if any, changes are coming. But I can spend my time answering these questions or preparing to teach and support your students. I know not all teachers do, but many of us send out regular progress reports (with notes), weekly newsletters, and have forms to request grade updates. Please use these. Help us support your students in the most effective way possible. And... on that note... cut back some of the pressure for perfection on your students. They, as we, are doing the best they can. 

So that's five. What am I missing? What else do teachers need from parents and the community?

It's been a bit since I posted, and for a few good reasons. I do not necessarily want this blog to be all upsets. They are there and I want to talk about them, but I never want a single post to be so depressing and anxiety ridden that it serves little purpose other than to make me feel better, I have other means of doing that. Some, however, may just have to be that way.... To say it's been rough is an understatement. To say that that's an oversimplification cannot be overstated (did any of that make sense). So... let me break it down a little.... 

Firstly, I am okay. I have a bronchospasm likely caused by my asthma, caused by.... well potentially lots of things. At first I was afraid it was COVID, but a negative test solved that. To be honest, I was impressed with my doctor/insurance's handling of it. I got a recommendation for a test in less than 20 minutes after calling them. Got the test the next day, and got my results that night. However, since I had symptoms, I wasn't cleared for school. I couldn't get a doctor's appointment for a few days, but it was via telephone and I was so impressed with this doctor's handling of me.... She diagnosed me, gave me care procedures and wrote a note saying when I could return to work. I returned this morning. I felt ready in that I miss teaching. I didn't feel ready based on my to do list of things that had racked up while I was gone and I didn't feel ready knowing that, if I wasn't at higher risk before, I am now.

I won't comment on the school's handling of it, that's not why I'm writing this blog. What I will share is my perspective of my experience at home. 

I don't want this to drag on, but I will say that this post (along with some things I've seen on social media) are prompting another post I plan to write this week: How to Support Your Teachers During a Pandemic. So... here are the things I experienced, as briefly as possible. 

1. Extreme anxiety - As emails rolled in and the "must do before students return in person" list grew exponentially over those days at home, my anxiety hit a lot of highs. I would have to sign off my computer during the day and take a mandatory break just because I was being asked to do things I physically could not do. 
2. Worry - I am... how do I put this... what some might call a teacher's pet, a goodie-two-shoes, a... whatever. I have an immense fear of getting in trouble or being a burden on anyone. I spent my time worried at home about whether I was leaving my team mates without an oar, leaving my students behind, and if I'd get in trouble for not having this massive to do list done when I returned to work immediately. 
3. Fatigue - I am still experiencing this. I was already exhausted from the various things I was doing: teaching virtually, setting things up for in person return, creating things that met my students' needs virtually, emailing and contacting parents and students daily outside of class, etc. Now I was trying to do all that working from home (without "working" from home) while being sick in a way that was (and is) very scary. 
4. Heartbreak - As the stories and photos come out of what school looks like right now, I am regularly heartbroken: from the student crying at home to the high school realising what exactly F2F learning is right now, from the teachers who spent hours, days, weeks trying to make their rooms safe only to be told it "isn't appropriate for effective teaching" to the teacher handed things at the last minute with no time to prep. It is all heartbreaking. 
5. Gratefulness and Relief - While all these things to do were pouring into my inbox, while I literally could to do few to none, my colleagues on my Latin I team (which, full disclosure include my father and my next door neighbour teacher) messaged me and told me they'd handle as much as they could. They set up the desks in my room, moved my supplies (I was working to create materials) to my desk, gathered necessary materials from various offices so I'd have them ready to go when I came back. Without them, I would truly be "up the creek" (as it were). Even now that I'm back, I'm still catching up. They are still helping me. As a team we've been planning together and collabing just about every day. Without them, things would be so much harder and stressful. 
6. Lastly... pain. As in physical pain. I am back at school. I am cleared to be there. But, my throat is still not fully operational/open. My lungs can only take so much air in at a time. My ribs are bruised from coughing and my voice can go from sounding "normal" to incredibly rough and low within minutes. There is a lot of pain right now for me and, considering the pandemic and justified fears of COVID, I am in a unique position where I have to justify every single thing I do. I had to justify not having COVID. I had to justify staying home. I had to justify coming back. I had to pay for not coming back (via sick leave, while still fulfilling my responsibilities as a teacher to my students, while not teaching live, while communicating regularly, while not "working", etc). I have to justify each cough, because people are, rightfully, scared. I have to justify breathing because... it is hard. It hurts. Breathing hurts. I have to justify, believe it or not, asking people to step back, put on a mask, or please don't come near me with symptoms. I don't know that, even being at home, my brain has turned off for a moment. 

As I finish this, it is 5:10 in the morning and I am about to get dressed, take my meds to help keep my throat healing and soothe my cough, grab my things, and head back for another day. I am already tired. It could be that I was up until 8:30 last night answering parent emails I didn't get to earlier in the day (I don't usually do that, but since I was out and sick, I am playing catch up). It could be that I was awake from 2:45-3:30, already creating a to do list in my head. It could be that when I logged on to social media this morning I was overwhelmed with articles about parent struggles, student fears, and teacher hatred. I guess it's all these things... So, in preparation for my next post... Teachers, paras, and classroom staff only please... what specifically do you need to be supported? It can be physical and material, it can be emotional, it can be political, it can be scientific. I DO NOT CARE. What do you need? 

Today's post is going to be short because it is already 5:15 and I still have so much to do before I leave for school for the 2nd day  :). I will expand on each after the first few days with more context, information, etc. 

There are lots of issues and conditions someone may be dealing with in addition to COVID. For me, it includes asthma, a foot condition, food and environmental allergies, and depression and anxiety. I carry a back pack with emergency supplies, which can include braces, socks, ice packs, etc. I keep extra ice packs and socks at school. I carry emergency medications. This is my reality. I cannot afford to NOT plan. Right now, the item causing the biggest anxiety roadblocks for me daily is the fact that I have asthma and I am reporting to a physical building where I have in person meetings during a global pandemic. 

This is not exhaustive and, as above, you can see examples of and updates on the things I have in my bag, classroom, and at home on my instagram. For now, here's a quick list of five things I have and what they do for me. 

• A sensory bottle - This bottle was made from a kid's "science" kit I got from Five Below. I created a design with water beads and filled the bottle with the beads and with water. It makes a soft swooshing sound when I tilt it upside down and I've decorated it with some 3D stickers that provides a touch element. When I am feeling very anxious or having an attack, the combination of the beads, the sound, and the touch can help ground me and focus my energy on the bottle. 
• A rock garden - This also came from Five Below. It is a sand/rock garden. I have placed it behind my desk so that to use it, I have to get up and turn away from my computer. At first it served as a reminder to breathe and keep calm, but after the unexpected news later Tuesday, I actively used it. I removed all the rocks and small statues and smoothed out the sand. I raked it into a circular pattern and slowly replaced each item in a new space. Since it was an active thing and required a little (not much) brain power, I was able, just for a moment, to focus on that and nothing else. 
• My hands - This is a weird one and it is something I learned many years ago on Pinterest. I cry easily. I cry when I'm overwhelmed, anxious, angry, whatever.... Here's the trick. Focus on your hand, specifically. Really look at it. The phrase, "like the back of my hand" implies that we know our hands really well, but the truth is our hands are (a) always changing and (b) so much a part of our daily lives that our eyes don't really pay attention to them. So, I force it. I always start with a small scar on my hand and then move outward. My brain cannot cry and focus on my hands (usually), so it allows me to stop the physical reaction to my anxiety. 
• A kitty cat pen - Okay, another weird one. I received this pen either as a gift or in a stationery box I receive and it is a novelty pen, for sure. It is a soft rubbery gel pen with a paw at the top. The paw is 3D/textured, so you can feel the toe beans and pads. I've been using it at school regularly and noticed that (a) the flexibility of the pen allows me something to fidget with and (b) the textured paw helps me stop physical signs of anxiety. See, my hands itch. In fact, as I type this, my hands are itching. It has happened since I was very little and, at one point, doctors prescribed a lotion to keep me from scratching. It worked, for a brief moment... When my anxiety gets worse and worse, the itching gets worse and worse. I scratch and dig my nails into my skin to stop it. While the pen doesn't stop it 100%, it keeps me from causing injury to my hands. It lets me satisfy the itch in a way that won't cause actual harm. It is fast becoming one of my favourite tools to have. 
• Calm Strips - This is another new/weird one. I recently saw on an instagram ad something called Calm Strips. They were fairly inexpensive and, worst case scenario, I hated them. So I bought some. They came in a pack of 20 with various patterns and colours. What are they? 2 1/2" (or so) strips of sticky textured paper. They are made to be touched, picked up, put back down, etc. They are advertised to help ground and calm anxiety. Turns out, I LOVE them. I put one on my phone to see how I liked it. They are textured enough to catch my attention, but not so textured enough that I am disrupted from professional or other activities. They are easily removable and don't leave residue. After about 2 weeks with one on my phone, I added one to my home computer table. I can reach it while I'm typing and it is easy to see. When we went back to school, I added one to my school desk and one to my laptop. While they do little for me during a panic attack, they are daily reminders to stay calm and carry on. :)