Listen First

A note: Please use these practices with the best intentions. Students can see through us when we lie or foster practices that do not include compassion. If we aren't coming from a good place we (at best) foster a distant relationship with students and (at worst) cause trauma and harm to our students.

I have long been on a journey towards a compassionate classroom and while I do my best to always answer with compassion I don't know that's it is a journey without an end. Each year, each month, week, and day provide new opportunities for me to re-establish compassionate norms and choose compassion for myself, my colleagues, and my students. To be clear, answering with compassion (much like gentle parenting) is not without boundaries or consequences, but it works with natural consequences and clear understanding of boundaries. 

There are a lot of posts on these topics, but I want to highlight a few:

• Bob Patrick's post on community in the classroom
• My reflection on Bob's No Fail Classroom
• The blog: The Inclusive Latin Classroom

Today I want to touch on a practice I've been subconsciously cultivating the past few years: Listen First. It sounds simple, but I think there is a push in the teacher/student relationship (especially with all that we have to do) to skip this step and move on to the action piece of whatever situation arises. Ultimately, however, I think this sets us and our students up for failure. 

I've been watching a lot of gentle parenting TikToks after they started showing up on my FYP and I quickly realised how in line they were with my own thinking. My parents did a form of this when I was a child, but it didn't have a name and it wasn't as popular as it is now. One thing that stood out to me is something I've been as vocal as I can be about since earning my Special Education degree. Behaviour is an attempt at communication. When students behave in certain ways they are trying to tell us what they need and they are using coping mechanisms that they've learned work through the various situations in their lives. Note: I am NOT trying to dig at any single person who is a teacher or parent. Once we understand that concept, we realise that in order to do anything, we must understand the need that is being communicated. 

The longer I teach the more I realise that listening is always the first step with students. I have a policy that if a student is in crisis and needs me, I will do my best to help them as I can. This does put added pressure on me, but it also doesn't put me in a place where I have to fix everything. Here are some general examples of what this might look like. This is not exhaustive and not every option fits every instance

• A student is having a panic attack
  • I share a grounding technique I use
  • I allow them time to calm down in a safe space
  • I have a deal with a neighbour teacher that students can go in there (they often have a quieter room) to calm down
• A student hasn't eaten all day
  • I have a drawer of snacks that I offer. They include applesauce, seaweed chips, and protein bars (or whatever I have extra of at home)
• A student is having an awful day for (insert reason)
  • "handle with care"
  • grab a stuffie for comfort
  • get extended time on an assignment
  • be allowed to actively listen but not vocally participate for the day
• A student has a tantrum in class (yes, it happens at high school too)
  • We step outside to cool down
  • I ask unrelated questions to refocus the student
  • The student and I come up with a plan to refocus and meet the basic needs and requirements for the day

When we listen first, we can learn the unmet need and respond appropriately. Here are some questions I either consider myself or I ask students directly when listening first. N.B. Always make sure your students know that (1) you are imperfect and do the best you can (2) are coming from a compassionate place, and (3) are a mandatory reporter and that you have to report some things. If you do need to report something, please please please tell the student who experienced it before you report it so they aren't caught off guard.​

1. Basic Needs
   1. Have you eaten today?
   2. How much sleep did you get?
   3. Have you been outside today?
   4. How is your anxiety today?
   5. Do you have what you need for class? (if the answer is no.... provide the supply with no judgement or shame)
2. (if a student is reacting towards me in a highly negative way) Have I offended or hurt you? I would like to correct that.
3. What are you feeling right now?
   1. Physically
   2. Emotionally
4. Why do you think that? What has led you to this conclusion? (take the response without judgement)
5. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
6. Do you have a friend or trusted adult you can speak to? 
7. Would you like to go to the counselor?
8. What do you need from me right now?
   1. N.B. Sometimes students will ask for a hug. If you are not comfortable with that, offer an alternative.
9. Regarding a specific incident (even if they don't want to tell you what happened, you can find out how close in time and space this happened)
   1. Did this happen just now? Earlier today? This week?
   2. Did this happen in my classroom? 
   3. Is this happening digitally?
   4. Do you want me to call/email your parent/guardian/Assistant principal/counselor/etc. 
   5. How can I support you?