Let this serve as a teaser for later posts this/next week!

Let me start by saying this isn't the article you think it is. No, we are NOT okay.... but this article, written by  Julie Mason on We are Teachers not only sorely misses the point, but also is incredibly dangerous. 

I had a conversation with some dear friends about this article and we were all in agreement. This article is bad, for lots of reasons, but in large part because it partakes in victim blaming and a kind of toxic positivity/ideal situation that is impossible in many places (Irina Greenman).  So, let's break this down. I am going to use the same titles the original author uses, but I am going to then respond to her points. 

Added point: I wasn't going to bring this up, but since she mentions it in the article... She is no longer a teacher. She does not teach this year, during COVID. By that point, I would not recommend this article in any serious way. 

I too hate the "look on the bright side" or "silver lining" of things and I think those phrases and ideas are really inappropriate in some situations. Mason defines toxic positivity as the "focus on the positive and [rejection]... the negative" (Mason, 2020). But, then Mason goes on to tell us to do all that. Stop doing this. Stop doing that. Stop saying this... and so on. Her entire article focuses on an idea world where we can do whatever we want and aren't villainised by the world around us. By ignoring these very things, she is engaging in this toxic positivity. 

She finishes this section by saying that toxic postivity often includes ignoring deeper issues such as COVID-19, equity, and school culture. Mason does just that. She ignores all these things. This article is an example of the very toxic positivity she wants to get rid of. 

I've discussed this elsewhere, but I have diagnosed anxiety. Mental health is something I think about every day. I cannot stand the argument that yoga and baths and walks are the only answer. I also cannot stand the argument that they are not part of the answer. For many, myself included, medication and self care are both part of the answer. Mason starts this section by calling these things "toxic positivity". They are not. Toxic positivity is suggesting that by engaging in them, or in advocacy, it will fix all the problems. 

Okay, break from my formal rebuttal.... can I roll my eyes here? Did you hear it? Did you feel it? "Let's find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real" Oh COME ON. 

Okay, back to the formal rebuttal. After suggesting that teachers need to stop encouraging self care and start advocating, she says that those feelings, (and that work implied) isn't going to change anything. If self care doesn't help. If placing the blame where it belongs, advocacy, etc. don't work.... what are we left with? 

Before we go into the 5 things she wishes she had done while teaching (aka - she is not a teacher and is not speaking from experience as a teacher during COVID and is, therefore, not an expert in teaching during this pandemic), let me point out a few things:

• For many of us, there is a stipulation in the contract that says something along the lines of "other things deemed appropriate". So, Ms. Mason, it is not as simple as saying "No, I can't do that because it isn't in my contract" (Mason, 2020). 
• Many of us take work home so that we can, at the very least, be at home with our loved ones while we grade. 
• Ms. Mason... while I haven't cried today, I only cried once yesterday and, right now.... I need to say that to myself and out loud. As someone who is literally so ridden with anxiety I have chest pain almost all the time... I need that. That is NOT toxic positivity. 
• These badges of honour are worn so proudly and are often so important because the DOE and society have proven and spoken LOUDLY that not only are we not trusted, but we are not respected. You further this in your article. Trust those teaching to tell you, a former teacher, what we need. 

Right now, students in our district are allowed in our rooms as soon as they get there. In fact, they are expected to come straight to our rooms. I come early (6:15 or so) exactly so I will have some peace and quiet. I come early so that when the end bell rings, I can focus on finishing work and going home on time. For some people, coming early and staying late means that, when they do go home, they can focus on family. 

Also, Ms. Mason, you seem to have forgotten our colleagues in certain departments that, while not "in the contract" stay late like.... those in the vision department, special education case managers, etc. Quite often vision teachers will stay very late to put things into braille to ensure that students and teachers have what they need the next day. Case managers stay late to complete IEPs, meet with families, etc. 

Perhaps we ought not shame them for the very hard work they do by trivialising it as a choice. 

I already addressed this somewhat, but let's consider a few things:

1. Teachers should not be shamed if they choose to grade in their spare time. Talk about toxic behaviour. Rather than suggesting that they just drop everything, why not provide real support for this "grade smarter" idea? Why not invest your writing time into sharing tutorials and ways in which teachers can meet their course and school requirements while also saving time. 
2. Teachers should not be shamed for answering emails/messages after school. Now, I would recommend setting a boundary, but sometimes that boundary needs to be flexible. No shame. 
3. Stop shaming teachers who put effort into their grading. Maybe instead share research on what kinds of comments are helpful and useful. 

Ultimately, this piece of her writing is useless. It says to change the way you do things, without any support. 

Again, already addressed somewhat, but let's consider this. Having well crafted (beautiful not needed) lessons plans is part of our job. This doesn't mean that we don't adjust and change and have the occasional day where we throw it all out the window for something else, but comparing complete lesson planning to "more work because you feel like you should" is a cheap shot at teachers. 

Instead, perhaps school culture needs to change where teachers have more support. Instead of letting balls drop that have, unfairly, been put into our hands, let's look at some of that "advocacy" mentioned briefly before. Here are some things teachers often pick up that could and perhaps should be supported in other ways by the school/district:

• late work policies
• failure policies
• student clubs
• meetings during planning and lunches
• duties during planning, lunches, and before/after school
• absence/AWOL tracking
• school supplies for students
• food for students (yes, we often provide this for our kids)
• a safe space to escape bullying
• a safe place to escape abuse
• technology inequalities
• ableism and accessibility
• racism
• What else did I miss. 

I do not have perfect answers for this, but this is often areas where teachers need support. Instead of targeting the things teachers should be doing, let's look at the things dropped into teacher's hands that shouldn't necessarily be put there. Let's get real support for these very REAL issues that are often left on teachers' shoulders and make real systemic change. 

Another victim blaming item. The reason we point these things out and are brutally honest about how often and how long we work is because the nation right now is literally saying we are glorified baby-sitters who make boatloads of money for getting off work before 5:00 PM, getting summers off, etc. We do this because we have to in order to be taken seriously, and it still doesn't work. 

Instead of blaming teachers for this, perhaps you could run a survey to see just how long and how hard teachers are working during this pandemic, a thing which you have no personal experience in,  and then publish an article laying out the real situation and issues teachers are facing. 

Based on your previous suggestions, Ms. Mason, perhaps being proud of your work as a teacher is inappropriate since it feels like that falls under this toxic positivity you are discussing. I am so sorry that the toxic environment our country and society has built around teachers made you feel at fault and at blame. I am also incredibly sorry and angry that you have now turned that attitude against those still in the profession. 

Teaching is a job. I have bills to pay. Teaching is also a calling. It is both. It is okay to walk away. It is also okay to stay. Perhaps you have forgotten that now that you are not in the classroom, but I ask, nay, pray and beseech you to get in touch with teachers who are teaching NOW before you consider commenting on our work, our lives, and our experiences. 

1. Irina Greenman

There are some jobs you know you'll end up doing as a teacher, even though they aren't teaching. Elementary school teachers often serve as nurses. We all serve as custodians at some point. It just comes with the territory. But, in this pandemic, there are a number of jobs I now serve that I never thought I'd have to. 

In the spirit of these posts, I am limiting this list to five. It is not exhaustive. And, to brighten it up, enjoy some bitmojis. 

This applies to a lot of staff at schools right now, not just teachers, but let me say that it is NOT a role I expected to fill, nor one I fill well, depending on the piece we're discussing. Sure, every teacher has wipes, disinfectant, etc. But this year, in addition to regular straightening and cleaning, we have various cleaners to help slow the spread of COVID and our custodians are also deep cleaning as well (although I don't know the details of that). A quick list of things in my room: four types of hand sanitiser (2 provided by the district and 2 I bought myself), extra masks (provided by me), paper towels (district), three types of cleaning solutions (1 provided by the school during the last major flu season, 2 provided for this year in specific), and perhaps other things I'm forgetting. We are supposed to clean as often as possible, but it is impossible. Some of the cleaners we cannot use if students are coming within 15 minutes and most of the cleaners have a smell that we cannot stay in the room for. 

I am a rule follower. I am not a tattle or a snitch. There are some things I feel aren't my place or I feel put me in a bad position. I am NOT saying that it is required of me by my superiors, school, or district to do this. What I am saying is that stories are appearing from across the country of these unspoken expectations. If you hear things of positive cases, close contact, illness, blatant disregard for safety rules, you might be expected to report it. I should not have to (a) report an adult for anything, but also... (b) I should not have to justify something to a student because Mr/Mrs/Ms/Mx/Dr. X says its okay. 

One of the jobs teachers fill increasingly is the role of protector, therapist, and parent all at once. Especially now that we do tornado drills, fire drills, and lock down drills. And, while I don't feel we should have to do at least one of these (wink wink), I have accepted that in those situations I must take steps to protect the lives of my students. Now I have to add to that pandemic expert. When students have questions, they often go to their teachers. They are scared. They are confused (especially when parents, teachers, and admins are not all on the same page). Especially with the politicisation of this situation (science y'all), students aren't sure what to do. Now I somehow have to meet those needs. I am not a scientist. As I told one of my classes today when COVID came up, "At the end of the day, there are a number of things we can do to protect ourselves and those we love and care for. We can wear masks, wash our hands, use hand sanitiser, social distance, and more. So, at the end of the day, we have to ask ourselves if we did our best." They didn't train me for this in college. 

Okay, I'm exaggerating a little here. I am not responsible for bringing charges against or serving paperwork regarding truancy. However, teachers across the country are suddenly responsible for all sorts of things that, in the past, they received help for from parents, counselors, admins, etc. This isn't to say that those parties aren't doing their jobs, but the rhetoric increasingly is that if only teachers would do X or Y or if they "just did their jobs" then a whole slew of things would or wouldn't be happening. Be assured, we are doing everything we can. We are emailing, recording all classes, calls, contact. We are calling home. We are engaging with families, students, counselors, and case managers. 

Again, to some extent we either do this or are treated this way. I am going to address this in my next post, but I truly believe that teachers and parents could work together to stop treating grades as an exchange for service and more like a conversation. However, as I stated in Part IA, this is wholly uncharted territory. Not even the schools already set up for digital learning could have predicted or prepared for this. Technical problems are bound to happen. Grading issues will occur. But there is little in the way of support for teachers due, in part, to the fact that we are all figuring this out as we go. As an example.... Today during a class, I was late due to the one way hallway rule. When I arrived to the room shortly after the bell, I had three messages from digital learners asking where I was and another two saying they couldn't get into the room. I started the digital room up and began printing paper copies for those who needed them in the room. Then I took roll... twice. When I started class, digital learners reminded me that I need to share my screen for them to see the video. After we started our dictation, one student had trouble accessing the document. Another needed help finding the document. A third didn't understand the directions. A fourth wanted to discuss grades during class. All of this was happening over my computer and speaker in a room of about 10 face to face learners. We need the answers, but we don't have them. I don't think anyone has them all. 

​

I've already written on this some, so I won't repeat everything, but here is a quick list of 5 things I do to combat anxiety. 

1. Hold all the stuffies. There is NO shame in enjoying a soft texture, especially if you get overwhelmed by physical stimuli.
2. Have an extra cup of coffee, tea, water, whatever.
3. Carve out specific time for loved ones: family, partners, children, pets, etc.
4. Practise saying "No". Say it. 
5. Be honest with someone about your anxiety: your partner, a parent, your therapist, your BFF. Someone trusted. 

Keeping with the theme.... 5 things:

1. When you get home, take a break. Sit down with something to drink or eat, pet an animal. 
2. Do not check email except when you purposefully decide to. (e.g. I know I have to wash my hair in the morning which will add time to my morning routine. So, I purposefully checked email tonight for 5 minutes). 
3. Turn off text notifications. 
4. When you first wake up, take a moment and just stretch each body part intentionally. 
5. When you go to sleep, take a moment and relax each body part intentionally. 

There are posts all over that say that this time is hard for teachers. Sometimes the response is that we are being insensitive to first responders who have been on the front lines since March. Sometimes the response is that we are first responders. And, sometimes, the response is that we are complaining for no reason because, well, "COVID isn't real". Today's post is to assure you that it is, indeed, real. This is not an easy post to write and it won't be an easy post to read. But these things need to be said because we are exhausted in a way we never have been. We are struggling in a way that only teachers can struggle. 

We are navigating uncharted waters and as soon as we think we've figured out one wave, we see the one behind it. There are always aspects of teaching like this, but right now, everything​ is like this. 

 Based on things I've experienced, seen, and heard from people, here is a list of things you (yes you) can do to support teachers during COVID. 

1. Allow space. Give teachers space to grieve, be upset, be anxious, AND be creative. We need space for it all, as we are doing it and experiencing it all. 
2. Don't make teachers the automatic enemy. Please understand that most of us don't have much choice with what we are doing now. For some things, we literally have been told what we can and cannot do and what we can and cannot say. For other things, we've been given a general directive, but have so little room for movement or time to complete things, there is no practical choice. We are doing the best we can with what we have been given or commanded. 
3. Help us understand your digital needs. I cannot necessarily help you get devices, but I can direct you where to go. I cannot force your child to sit in front of a computer or complete work from the school, but if you tell me what your child is struggling with, I can do my best to help. I can talk to your student, provide compelling materials, and provide accommodations.
4. Protect us and protect your students. At this point, we know just enough about COVID to know that we MUST take protective measures. Please, if you insist on sending your students physically to school, make sure they come to school with: two masks (in case one breaks, gets lost, gets dirty, etc), hand sanitiser, tissues, wipes (antibacterial if possible), plenty of water, snacks, a device and/or supplies for class. While I have hand sanitiser in my classroom, extra masks, supplies, and outlets for devices... They are not in infinite supply. The hand sanitiser provided by the school will run out. The masks (provided by me) will run out. I have supplies, but each time they are used, they must be cleaned (while I also clean the room, supervise the hallways, prepare for the next class in person and digitally, and go to the bathroom if needed). I have a limited number of outlets. NONE of the water fountains are open and I do not have extra water. The cafeteria is only open at certain times and I want your students fed. If you have trouble providing these, let me know and I will do the best I can to help. 
5. Cut us, and your students a break/give us the benefit of the doubt. We are less than a full month in and already I spend a good deal of time answering questions about grades, sometimes within an hour of posting them. I get it. Grades are important and in this current atmosphere the universities and testing orgs are telling us so little about what, if any, changes are coming. But I can spend my time answering these questions or preparing to teach and support your students. I know not all teachers do, but many of us send out regular progress reports (with notes), weekly newsletters, and have forms to request grade updates. Please use these. Help us support your students in the most effective way possible. And... on that note... cut back some of the pressure for perfection on your students. They, as we, are doing the best they can. 

So that's five. What am I missing? What else do teachers need from parents and the community?

It's been a bit since I posted, and for a few good reasons. I do not necessarily want this blog to be all upsets. They are there and I want to talk about them, but I never want a single post to be so depressing and anxiety ridden that it serves little purpose other than to make me feel better, I have other means of doing that. Some, however, may just have to be that way.... To say it's been rough is an understatement. To say that that's an oversimplification cannot be overstated (did any of that make sense). So... let me break it down a little.... 

Firstly, I am okay. I have a bronchospasm likely caused by my asthma, caused by.... well potentially lots of things. At first I was afraid it was COVID, but a negative test solved that. To be honest, I was impressed with my doctor/insurance's handling of it. I got a recommendation for a test in less than 20 minutes after calling them. Got the test the next day, and got my results that night. However, since I had symptoms, I wasn't cleared for school. I couldn't get a doctor's appointment for a few days, but it was via telephone and I was so impressed with this doctor's handling of me.... She diagnosed me, gave me care procedures and wrote a note saying when I could return to work. I returned this morning. I felt ready in that I miss teaching. I didn't feel ready based on my to do list of things that had racked up while I was gone and I didn't feel ready knowing that, if I wasn't at higher risk before, I am now.

I won't comment on the school's handling of it, that's not why I'm writing this blog. What I will share is my perspective of my experience at home. 

I don't want this to drag on, but I will say that this post (along with some things I've seen on social media) are prompting another post I plan to write this week: How to Support Your Teachers During a Pandemic. So... here are the things I experienced, as briefly as possible. 

1. Extreme anxiety - As emails rolled in and the "must do before students return in person" list grew exponentially over those days at home, my anxiety hit a lot of highs. I would have to sign off my computer during the day and take a mandatory break just because I was being asked to do things I physically could not do. 
2. Worry - I am... how do I put this... what some might call a teacher's pet, a goodie-two-shoes, a... whatever. I have an immense fear of getting in trouble or being a burden on anyone. I spent my time worried at home about whether I was leaving my team mates without an oar, leaving my students behind, and if I'd get in trouble for not having this massive to do list done when I returned to work immediately. 
3. Fatigue - I am still experiencing this. I was already exhausted from the various things I was doing: teaching virtually, setting things up for in person return, creating things that met my students' needs virtually, emailing and contacting parents and students daily outside of class, etc. Now I was trying to do all that working from home (without "working" from home) while being sick in a way that was (and is) very scary. 
4. Heartbreak - As the stories and photos come out of what school looks like right now, I am regularly heartbroken: from the student crying at home to the high school realising what exactly F2F learning is right now, from the teachers who spent hours, days, weeks trying to make their rooms safe only to be told it "isn't appropriate for effective teaching" to the teacher handed things at the last minute with no time to prep. It is all heartbreaking. 
5. Gratefulness and Relief - While all these things to do were pouring into my inbox, while I literally could to do few to none, my colleagues on my Latin I team (which, full disclosure include my father and my next door neighbour teacher) messaged me and told me they'd handle as much as they could. They set up the desks in my room, moved my supplies (I was working to create materials) to my desk, gathered necessary materials from various offices so I'd have them ready to go when I came back. Without them, I would truly be "up the creek" (as it were). Even now that I'm back, I'm still catching up. They are still helping me. As a team we've been planning together and collabing just about every day. Without them, things would be so much harder and stressful. 
6. Lastly... pain. As in physical pain. I am back at school. I am cleared to be there. But, my throat is still not fully operational/open. My lungs can only take so much air in at a time. My ribs are bruised from coughing and my voice can go from sounding "normal" to incredibly rough and low within minutes. There is a lot of pain right now for me and, considering the pandemic and justified fears of COVID, I am in a unique position where I have to justify every single thing I do. I had to justify not having COVID. I had to justify staying home. I had to justify coming back. I had to pay for not coming back (via sick leave, while still fulfilling my responsibilities as a teacher to my students, while not teaching live, while communicating regularly, while not "working", etc). I have to justify each cough, because people are, rightfully, scared. I have to justify breathing because... it is hard. It hurts. Breathing hurts. I have to justify, believe it or not, asking people to step back, put on a mask, or please don't come near me with symptoms. I don't know that, even being at home, my brain has turned off for a moment. 

As I finish this, it is 5:10 in the morning and I am about to get dressed, take my meds to help keep my throat healing and soothe my cough, grab my things, and head back for another day. I am already tired. It could be that I was up until 8:30 last night answering parent emails I didn't get to earlier in the day (I don't usually do that, but since I was out and sick, I am playing catch up). It could be that I was awake from 2:45-3:30, already creating a to do list in my head. It could be that when I logged on to social media this morning I was overwhelmed with articles about parent struggles, student fears, and teacher hatred. I guess it's all these things... So, in preparation for my next post... Teachers, paras, and classroom staff only please... what specifically do you need to be supported? It can be physical and material, it can be emotional, it can be political, it can be scientific. I DO NOT CARE. What do you need? 

Today's post is going to be short because it is already 5:15 and I still have so much to do before I leave for school for the 2nd day  :). I will expand on each after the first few days with more context, information, etc. 

There are lots of issues and conditions someone may be dealing with in addition to COVID. For me, it includes asthma, a foot condition, food and environmental allergies, and depression and anxiety. I carry a back pack with emergency supplies, which can include braces, socks, ice packs, etc. I keep extra ice packs and socks at school. I carry emergency medications. This is my reality. I cannot afford to NOT plan. Right now, the item causing the biggest anxiety roadblocks for me daily is the fact that I have asthma and I am reporting to a physical building where I have in person meetings during a global pandemic. 

This is not exhaustive and, as above, you can see examples of and updates on the things I have in my bag, classroom, and at home on my instagram. For now, here's a quick list of five things I have and what they do for me. 

• A sensory bottle - This bottle was made from a kid's "science" kit I got from Five Below. I created a design with water beads and filled the bottle with the beads and with water. It makes a soft swooshing sound when I tilt it upside down and I've decorated it with some 3D stickers that provides a touch element. When I am feeling very anxious or having an attack, the combination of the beads, the sound, and the touch can help ground me and focus my energy on the bottle. 
• A rock garden - This also came from Five Below. It is a sand/rock garden. I have placed it behind my desk so that to use it, I have to get up and turn away from my computer. At first it served as a reminder to breathe and keep calm, but after the unexpected news later Tuesday, I actively used it. I removed all the rocks and small statues and smoothed out the sand. I raked it into a circular pattern and slowly replaced each item in a new space. Since it was an active thing and required a little (not much) brain power, I was able, just for a moment, to focus on that and nothing else. 
• My hands - This is a weird one and it is something I learned many years ago on Pinterest. I cry easily. I cry when I'm overwhelmed, anxious, angry, whatever.... Here's the trick. Focus on your hand, specifically. Really look at it. The phrase, "like the back of my hand" implies that we know our hands really well, but the truth is our hands are (a) always changing and (b) so much a part of our daily lives that our eyes don't really pay attention to them. So, I force it. I always start with a small scar on my hand and then move outward. My brain cannot cry and focus on my hands (usually), so it allows me to stop the physical reaction to my anxiety. 
• A kitty cat pen - Okay, another weird one. I received this pen either as a gift or in a stationery box I receive and it is a novelty pen, for sure. It is a soft rubbery gel pen with a paw at the top. The paw is 3D/textured, so you can feel the toe beans and pads. I've been using it at school regularly and noticed that (a) the flexibility of the pen allows me something to fidget with and (b) the textured paw helps me stop physical signs of anxiety. See, my hands itch. In fact, as I type this, my hands are itching. It has happened since I was very little and, at one point, doctors prescribed a lotion to keep me from scratching. It worked, for a brief moment... When my anxiety gets worse and worse, the itching gets worse and worse. I scratch and dig my nails into my skin to stop it. While the pen doesn't stop it 100%, it keeps me from causing injury to my hands. It lets me satisfy the itch in a way that won't cause actual harm. It is fast becoming one of my favourite tools to have. 
• Calm Strips - This is another new/weird one. I recently saw on an instagram ad something called Calm Strips. They were fairly inexpensive and, worst case scenario, I hated them. So I bought some. They came in a pack of 20 with various patterns and colours. What are they? 2 1/2" (or so) strips of sticky textured paper. They are made to be touched, picked up, put back down, etc. They are advertised to help ground and calm anxiety. Turns out, I LOVE them. I put one on my phone to see how I liked it. They are textured enough to catch my attention, but not so textured enough that I am disrupted from professional or other activities. They are easily removable and don't leave residue. After about 2 weeks with one on my phone, I added one to my home computer table. I can reach it while I'm typing and it is easy to see. When we went back to school, I added one to my school desk and one to my laptop. While they do little for me during a panic attack, they are daily reminders to stay calm and carry on. :)